Natural Substance Abuse Treatment in India

33rd Pauri of Japji, by Guru Nanak

2004-12-12T17:18:00.000-08:00

No power to speak,
Or silence to keep.
No power to beg, no power to give,
No power to die, no power to live.
No power to rule
Or enlighten the mind,
No power to awaken my soul to Thee,
No power to find the way to be free.
By his own will, O Nanak, none can be good or bad
He alone has the power to reveal the way.

What will I do when I get home?

2004-12-12T17:14:00.000-08:00

One friend has told me about an executive director position at a children’s social service agency; he thinks I would be perfect for it. I’m not so sure.

I really miss my clients.

A counseling position at the Claremont Colleges sounded perfect to me before I left. Not much money, but I liked the idea of providing those services to that population of clients. It felt cozy, simple.

I could go to CGU to get my masters in non-profit management. That sounds fun. I like a good challenge. I would stretch muscles I haven’t used in a while.

I could work with a business consultant to take InnerWorks into a real non-profit service oriented business. This sounds like work.

I want to do yoga, more than I want to teach it, I want to do it. I want to meditate. I want to hear Guru’s bani and the gentle breeze in the trees, the distant ocean, the rippling stream. I don’t want to administrate anyone but myself. I want to do therapy (with clients), be in that healing space, that therapeutic relationship. I want to be in the woods, surrounded by green. I want to lay on my back on the rich moist earth, feeling what it is to be a part of nature. I want to sing; I want to dance; I want to make love. I want to live in the Light. I want to see myself and all others in their True Nature, beings of Light, here and beyond.

A poem for Carolyn

2004-12-12T17:11:00.000-08:00

“It Felt Love”
Hafiz
(The Great Sufi Master)

How
Did the rose
Ever open its heart?

And give to this world
All its
Beauty?

It felt the encouragement of Light
Against its
Being,

Otherwise,
we all remain

Too

Frightened.

Carolyn

2004-12-12T17:10:00.000-08:00

Carolyn has been sick. I haven’t written about her, but I’ve felt the loss. Both in the writing and in her not being here. We could especially use her level headedness and treatment experience right now. We suspect that several of our clients are using drugs on the unit. For some of us, this has been very deflating as they were personally invested in things being rosy. Carolyn would be able to give us valuable perspective at this point.

I mostly miss seeing her and touching her. There’s something that happens to me when she looks at me with love in her eyes. I can’t explain it, but it feels like all I’ve ever wanted, my whole life.

I feel bad that she has not been able to share my experiences here in a more direct fashion. Even more, I feel bad that she has not had her own experiences here. I so wanted her to have time with some of these strong Khalsa women. I think she may have been inspired by some of them; I think she may have inspired some of them. I know they would have liked her. She would have loved the children, at the orphanage, on the street, at the temple, at the school. I think she could have made a real contribution at the school as well as at the de-addiction program. She would have appreciated her time at the Harimandir Sahib (Golden Temple). She would have been entranced by the rich and varied shopping opportunities. There is so much exotic, beautiful stuff here.

The plan was that she would have left with me in September. We were going to visit Siri Dyal in Beijing for about a week, then spend a few days in Bangkok, playing before arriving in Amritsar for the program. She was then to stay for about 6 weeks working at the program before returning to the states. She’d been clamoring to go to Thailand, hearing wondrous tales from friends (and being called by a past life?); I was long overdue in my promise to visit my son in China. It was going to be a great trip.

Just days before we were to leave, she had a medical test to be sure that a health condition was stable so that she could travel. It was not stable. She had to have an artery cleared that next week. We were in limbo. To go or not to go? Me go and her stay? Neither? Both? We didn’t know what to do. So much preparation and positive expectation was invested in going; yet clearly, her health was more important. It was a very difficult time. We sat in a world of not knowing. The doctor said she was cleared to go, but things didn’t feel right. We decided to simply reverse the trip. I would go now (one week later than planned) and she would join me half way through the program. We would vacation and visit Siri Dyal on the way home. It made sense. The house sitter help (thank you Brandi) was already in place. Brandi could help and support Carolyn as she rested from her procedure. She had her daughter and friends around to help. Instead of going, then returning to work; she would rest, then go travel. It was not ideal. Both of us were nervous, concerned. She had medical procedure; it was successful. It should be OK. We told ourselves. It just meant that she would come later. It would still be a great trip.

Weeks went by. Carolyn rested some, worked some. Her symptoms were better. She was still easily fatigued. We were both grateful that she had not pushed herself to go to India. India can be a very harsh place. For a while, we thought for sure that she would be strong enough to make the trip. She SO wanted to be in India, for the adventure, for the service, for the yantra, for the shopping (;>) {sorry, I couldn’t resist}; she SO wanted to go to Thailand and to China. Well, at some point, after much agonizing on her part, it became clear that she could not come to India for 6 weeks.

Even though she felt much better, it was clearly not wise to push it. What disappointment, for her, for me. We sat with that for a few days. Then the thought we both had got spoken, maybe she could just meet me in Thailand. Even if the working part couldn’t happen, perhaps the playing part could….. That sounded grand! We could even make the stay in Thailand a bit longer, a better vacation, training in Thai massage. Oh man!!! That sounded good!!! Maybe I would even leave India a bit earlier than planned to make more time for Thailand.

Then last Friday came. A call from her doctor came. “Your test and been scheduled and you have an appointment with the doctor.” She thought they had the wrong patient. “You must be mistaken. I am not scheduled for a test. I have no appointment.”

So at this point, she has another angiogram scheduled for next Wednesday. I am prepared to return home that weekend if the test shows that further treatment is necessary. She is scared; I am sad.

2004-12-11T23:28:00.000-08:00

Bahadur

Bahadur died today

2004-12-11T23:23:00.000-08:00

He had a conflicted relationship with the Westerners living in the house. There were language problems, lack of clarity in expectations, no clear lines of authority. None of us really knew what to do with a servant, what was expected of us or him, how to treat him.

I don’t know what his title was. I always wanted to call him the Major Domo, but I don’t really know what that means. He supervised the household, the cleaning boy, the gardeners, those coming over to do repairs, the electrician and plumber. He got our food from the school and made us tea.

He was a pretty “needy” guy. I don’t mean that in a bad way. Periodically he would find one of us to sit with and tell his troubles to. “His job was hard. He didn’t have enough money.”, were the usual themes. He wondered about servants in the US. He wanted to know how much money they made. He had a long relationship with The Siri Singh Sahib’s family. He was hoping that one of them would take him to live in the US when they came over in January.

He died of a heart attack (apparently) in the night. He was cremated the same day. He lived nearby in a very humble house with his wife and three young children, at least one of whom could not hear or speak.

I’ve never been with someone everyday and have him just die, without being sick or anything. No warning. No expectation. No prediction. It’s weird. He's just gone. Everyone is talking about how this shows how precious life is; how we should treat each other well always, because “You never know.” I don’t quite get that. We DO know. We are all going to die. We should all treat everyone well always. I guess people need these reminders. Everyone deserves our kindness, our respect, our attention.

Just to clarify. I don’t believe in nice for Niceness sake. I do believe in respect for respect’s sake. Kindness doesn’t have to be pretty. Anger and limit setting are necessary” ingredients of life. Meanness is not, neither is looking down on someone else. Acting out one’s own “unmetabolized" anger onto someone else is not. We owe it to each other to sort through our own hurts, wounds, angers and the like so that we don’t dump it, project it, inflict it on each other. That in my mind is being respectful.

God Bless you Bahadur. God Bless your family. Thank you for your service. I am so grateful that I could stop what I was doing and listen to you, at least some of the time….

Why are drugs such a problem here?

2004-12-07T09:46:00.000-08:00

We have heard many reasons and theories. Most of these we have heard multiple times.

1) The Pakistani border is very close, Afghanistan is not far. Opium and Heroin are the largest exports of Afghanistan. (Thank you Mr. Bush.) Amritsar is on the Heroin route from Afghanistan to Europe and the US.
2) The incursion of the worst of Western values has caused families to become dissatisfied with their lives (advertising, “You don’t have enough. You need more, better, etc.”). Instead of having their child (read that “son”) work on the farm or in the family business, they have sacrificed to send them to get a higher education. They have done this, completed their education and returned home. However, there is no job waiting for them at home and they now have no skills (or interest) in the family business. They become depressed and directionless.
3) As the middle class grows, it becomes a part of their status to emulate the West. It is now the case that alcoholic beverages are a part of “every party and wedding”; whereas just a few years back, it was unheard of.
4) The central government, in an attempt to disempower the Sikh youth, supply drugs to the area. Not too long ago (20 years) there was a strong secessionist movement in the Punjab. It is among the wealthiest of Indian states, producing much of the wheat and rice. Oppression from New Delhi.
5) Unscrupulous doctors and pharmacies over prescribe addictive medications then continue to supply them once the patient is addicted. No prescription is needed to purchase barbiturates (1 rupee per pill, 45 rupees = $1).
6) There are no role models for the youth who do not smoke and drink and use drugs – movie stars, rock stars, athletes, politicians, even religious and spiritual leaders.
7) The police and politicians are deeply involved in the drug trade (and in drug use); therefore not invested in curbing the problem.
8) Religion is practices as meaningless ritual, depriving the people of any real connection to their soul, leaving them hopeless and despairing.
9) General breakdown of the family and society and cultural values.

Take your pick.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Next Steps for 3HO SuperHealth – India

2004-12-07T09:40:00.000-08:00

For those who love and miss me, don’t read this section as “next steps for ME in India”. I am coming home soon!

We really have three things going on. First, we are running the pilot program with up to 10 clients; second, we are documenting that program in a way that it can become a training manual, usable by KRI as part of its teacher Training processes. Third, we are attempting to lay the groundwork for growing the program, for 3HO SuperHealth to become a significant force for ameliorating the substance abuse problem in Northern India.

There are 3 proposals for the future on the table. All are interconnected; some are easy to get started; some are vast in scope and difficult to imagine.

The easiest is to simply train current mental health professionals, psychiatrists mostly, to do the program. This is what the government medical folks would like us to do. They have envisioned teams in each district going through a process; something like this: We begin with a 1 day conference, a kind of extended workshop to introduce these folks to what we are doing, give them some experience of some of the techniques (yoga and meditation), and leave them wanting more. This would be mandatory for the gov’t employees and available to the private practice doctors. The next step would be to offer those who want more, a series of weekend workshops (called yoga camps here) organized around specific topics. We would want these to be available to clients who have graduated from the program as well. Next would come a teacher training course, at Indian prices, finally specialized training in the SuperHealth program. The last two training would be several weeks long and residential programs. There are several potential problems with this plan, but it is easy to get started and each step contained and imaginable.

The Second idea we are calling the Panchayat Program. Panchayats are elected officials (usually 5) at the village level. They settle disputes, collect taxes. They are kind of like village elders. In this plan, non-professionals would be trained at the village level. Their role would a kind of out reach, prevention, education, referral service. This would be the biggest project, the most difficult to fully think through and the one with potentially the greatest impact on transforming a society that is in big trouble due to drug abuse.

The third Idea is an autonomous clinic, run by 3HO SuperHealth, a five star clinic. This has the greatest potential for generating revenue and is the most satisfying for the staff here to think about.

2004-12-06T04:01:00.000-08:00

Amazing transformation.

2004-12-06T04:00:00.000-08:00

Saying goodbye to our first graduate.

2004-12-06T03:59:00.000-08:00

Our entry way. Har Gopal Kaur has gone back to LA (via Italy). She is still missed. Darshan Kaur from VA has joined us. SHe is doing a fine job. Still 8 of us living in the house. Two recently trained teachers - Tara Singh and Sahaj Kaur, living in a Nivas are helping out now at night, adding a valuable evening component, Helping to structure the night and reduce the mischief.

Kennon Beverly Hulett

2004-12-06T03:54:00.000-08:00

At some point in this Blog, I need to pay tribute to my niece Kennon. She is the inspiration for me doing this writing. Now at NYU, when she was an exchange student in high school (from Hattiesburg MS to somewhere in Denmark), she wrote a column for the Hattiesburg newspaper. It was a personal account of her experiences. She wrote so personally and so beautifully that everyone looked forward to her next submission. Thank you Kennon.

2004-12-06T03:45:00.000-08:00

We're here!!!

2004-12-06T03:43:00.001-08:00

We're here!

2004-12-06T03:43:00.000-08:00

A boy gets courage and shows up.

2004-12-06T03:41:00.000-08:00

Everybody wants in. Show that I have friends. Show that I have somebody. Show that I'm not alone in all this.

2004-12-06T03:40:00.000-08:00

Documenting friendship.

2004-12-06T03:37:00.000-08:00

Holding on to each other.

2004-12-06T03:35:00.001-08:00

Some older girls.

2004-12-06T03:35:00.000-08:00

So sweet. So hungry for attention.

2004-12-06T03:33:00.000-08:00

Group shot.

2004-12-06T03:32:00.000-08:00

More posing.

2004-12-06T03:30:00.000-08:00

The posing begins.

2004-12-06T03:29:00.000-08:00

Pavinder with some girls.

2004-12-06T03:23:00.002-08:00

Play time

2004-12-06T03:23:00.001-08:00

Play time

2004-12-06T03:23:00.000-08:00

Play time

2004-12-06T03:22:00.000-08:00

Modest fare.

2004-12-06T03:20:00.001-08:00

Chanting before eating.

2004-12-06T03:20:00.000-08:00

Dinner scenes.

2004-12-06T03:15:00.000-08:00

Guru Terath gets aquainted.

2004-12-06T03:14:00.000-08:00

Very Sweet. Some of the girls.

2004-12-06T03:13:00.000-08:00

That's Pavinder on the left. Dinner at the orphanage.

2004-12-06T03:12:00.000-08:00

Two of Pavinder's sisters, his mother and his wife. At his house for lunch.

The orphanage

2004-12-06T03:06:00.000-08:00

One of our translators is named Pavinder Singh. He teachers at the American School here, Miri Piri Academy. He is a tailor and with a small circle of friends he is helping to manage an orphanage. He is a very sweet and very devoted guy. He has been inviting some of us to have diner at his house and to visit the orphanage. Finally, yesterday, Guru Terath Kaur and I had lunch at his house and then went to visit the orphanage. There are about 90 children, mostly girls, aged from 2-16, living on the outskirts of Amritsar.

Although their stories are difficult and their circumstances meager at best; they were delightful. They were getting ready to eat when we arrived, sitting on the ground in rows, chanting as the food was served. The older ones served the younger ones. We visited with some of the adults who were supervising.

After diner, the kids went to some playground equipment to play. I sat to watch them, trying not to become the entertainment. That lasted until I took out my camera to start taking pictures. I got a few off before they noticed then they started to pose. Their initial shyness wearing off, they began to clamor for more pictures, wanting to see their own image on the digital screen. Then it was a mob scene; each one trying to see better. Then they started finding their friends, wanting to have a picture taken holding their friends hands. Then I couldn’t take any more pictures.

We started a new game. One who spoke a little English, taught me how to say “What is your name?” “My name is …” So I began to greet each girl (the boys came around later; they were more shy.) “Tua da nam qi hai?” “Sat Siri Akal …..” Mera nam Gurucharan Singh hai.” One after the other they would get it together enough to be greeted then burst into laughter, then hurry back to be greeted again. The other adults were looking on incredulous. Everyone was laughing. It was hysterical.

There was one girl who kept shouting in my ear (everyone was mobbed around). Not knowing what else to do, I put my hand on my ear, letting out a painful moaning sound, then took my other hand and rapidly opening and closing it (like an alligator shadow puppet – fingers on thumb.), I moved my hand from right to left while making the sound of a barking dog. Again, everyone burst into laughter. “Do it again!!!” “Do it again!!!” “Do it again!!!” “Do it again!!!” This became the new game. When I grew tired of this (I was always the first to wear out.) I had them do it. Then we all became dogs, then elephants, then cats, cows and on and on. I was laughing so hard. They were the most responsive audience I have ever scene. I could have done anything and it would have been entertaining to them.

I was hoarse from laughing and coughing (my cold had started). They wanted to show us their gurudwara. They took us inside. We all bowed. I asked them to play Kirtan. One got on the harmonium and all started singing loudly about the blessings of God and Guru.

In the midst of all this, Pavinder was trying to get a doctor out for one of the girls and he was conducting a meeting with his “circle” of concerned adults. I didn’t think we would ever get out of there. Finally we got the driver and got into the car. The kids were chanting “Uncle-ji; uncle-ji; uncle-ji” (beloved uncle). I could hardly stand it.

How many orphanages like that are there around the world? They don’t have adequate clothes or shoes or education or supervision or housing or security or prospects or medical care. I can hardly stand it. God bless Pavinder and his circle of friends.

I’ve got a cold

2004-12-06T03:04:00.000-08:00

I’ve got a cold today. I’m feeling yucky. The good news is that the new IT network is up and running at the school and the power has been on all day; so I can catch up on my Blog.

I was going to stay at a Nivas this week so I could be close to the Golden Temple. The Nivas’s are guest houses in the Golden Temple compound. They are very inexpensive ($1 a day, donation for one of the newer ones), but not very fancy. The thought of taking an auto rickshaw at that time is just too much, plus, I could use a change of scenery. It’s very noisy at the Nivas, lots of coming and going, but when I’m feeling better, I still want to go.

My plan was to do the seva inside the Golden Temple for a week or so. It starts about midnight and ends about 3AM. I did it once on my last trip here. It was a very powerful experience for me. Not everyone is allowed to do it. It is very intensely focused, very devotional, lots of chanting, and lots of grey beards (women are not allowed - there is still lots of work to do around discriminations, even among the more egalitarian Sikhs). The last time I did it, I felt that I was in the beating heart at the center of the world. It was quite profound. I hope I am not disappointed this time.
It’s gotten very cold here at night. The fog has gone for now and the days are sunny and warm, but the air is cool, even during the day. At night (early AM) on the marble around the Golden Temple, it gets very cold, especially when you get wet from the cleaning. So, I’m going to wait until I feel better to go.

2004-12-06T01:41:00.000-08:00

Ong Kar Kaur and Guru Dharam Kaur are asked to speak, in Punjabi. They do a great job! Guru Dharam has been managing the training facility in annandpur for 5 years. She is well loved in the village of Annandpur Sahib.

2004-12-06T01:33:00.000-08:00

The place is "rockin" :>)

2004-12-06T01:32:00.000-08:00

Yes, we've been asked up on the stage, to sit in the front, for a very long time.

2004-12-06T01:24:00.000-08:00

This is how it looks from the stage

2004-12-06T01:23:00.001-08:00

This is how it looks from the stage.

2004-12-06T01:23:00.000-08:00

This is how it looks from the crowd's perspective.

2004-12-06T01:20:00.000-08:00

There are parades and gatherings for inspirational public discourse.

2004-12-06T01:19:00.000-08:00

The bazaar in the village of Annandpur Sahib. It's still Guru Nanak's birthday.

2004-12-06T01:17:00.000-08:00

The fire fighting equipment. Fortunately we didn't need it.

2004-12-06T01:16:00.000-08:00

Upscale highway gas station.

2004-12-06T01:14:00.000-08:00

Guru Nanak's birthday lights.

2004-12-06T01:13:00.000-08:00

Our driver, English (pronounced Ang'glesh).

2004-12-06T01:06:00.000-08:00

Guru Terath and Mukta also make the trip.

2004-12-06T01:04:00.000-08:00

This proves I was really there :>)

2004-12-06T01:03:00.000-08:00

The day we leave for Annandpur Sahib, it's Guru Nanak's birthday. We swing by the Golden Temple in the early morning on the way out of town. It's all done up in lights.

2004-12-06T01:01:00.000-08:00

Another garden at the training facility.

2004-12-06T00:59:00.000-08:00

Kundalini Yoga teachers in training practice teaching in Annandpur Sahib.

2004-12-02T22:05:00.000-08:00

Outside Guru Gobind Singh's Fort

2004-12-02T22:00:00.000-08:00

The big gurudwara in Annnadpur (I don't know how many there are here, but it is a small village and lots of gurudwaras. I visited 5 or 6 in one early morning jaunt.). This is where the Khalsa was born. Guru Gobind Singh turned the living presence of the Guruship over to the scriptures, the SIri Guru Granth Sahib. This was a major revolution in social structure in Northern India. From this point onward, any 5 Sikhs, in the presence of the "Siri Guru Granth" is believed to hold the consciouness of the Guru. In a society dominated from the top down, with caste systems and the rest, this is a significant change. "No longer are you to bow to a human." "The form has been set."

2004-12-02T21:46:00.000-08:00

Small Gurudwara outside the fort.

2004-12-02T21:45:00.000-08:00

Very Special Vibration.

2004-12-02T21:41:00.000-08:00

On the road from Annandpur Sahib.

2004-12-02T21:39:00.000-08:00

The gurudwara at Kiratpur.

2004-12-02T21:37:00.000-08:00

Placing ashes in the river at Kiratpur.

2004-12-02T21:28:00.000-08:00

Still on the walk. He offers a ride. I decline, but regret it later.

2004-12-02T21:27:00.000-08:00

On the walk. hydroelectric

2004-12-02T20:35:00.000-08:00

Basic herding.

2004-12-02T20:34:00.000-08:00

Basic farming

2004-12-02T20:33:00.000-08:00

On a walk

2004-12-02T20:30:00.001-08:00

More garden

2004-12-02T20:30:00.000-08:00

Nice flower bed

2004-12-02T20:29:00.000-08:00

Vegetable garden

2004-12-02T20:27:00.001-08:00

Lunch time.

2004-12-02T20:27:00.000-08:00

A better picture. The rooms sleep 3 with a bathroom.

2004-12-02T20:24:00.000-08:00

Main house.

2004-12-02T20:23:00.000-08:00

The main house from the entry gate.

2004-12-02T20:21:00.000-08:00

Entry gate and towers to the training facility. I'm standing on the roof of a tower just like the one in the picture.

Trip to Annandpur Sahib (City of Bliss)

2004-11-29T09:49:00.000-08:00

Guru Gobind Singh spent a lot of time in this area. It is very rural, hilly, lots of rivers. It’s farming country, but also a source of hydroelectric energy. We are there to meet again with the government official in charge of health care delivery for the state of Punjab. One of our proposals is to train the government’s psychiatrists in our approach to de-addiction (the Indian word for drug treatment.). We would like this beautiful training facility in this beautiful, holy area to be used for the training.

It’s also two days away from the hospital. We are burnt out trying to deal with the truth and falsehood of allegations floating around. I hope to be able to tell you more about this situation in a future Blog posting tentatively titled Skullduggery and Bukar (Bribery), but right now it’s still too aggravating. Anyway, we had an excuse to get away.

The official is impressed with the facility, as am I. It must be on 60 acres or more, beautifully constructed on a hill over looking a very rural countryside. (see pictures)

We drive 5 hours to get there on Friday and return home on Saturday so it’s not exactly relaxing, but a great getaway nonetheless.

There is a teacher training (in Kundalini Yoga) course going on while we are there. 37 students from 10-15 different countries. This is their last weekend. They are practice teaching. They seem to have had a wonderful 3 weeks.

We get up early Saturday morning (3:30 AM) in order to visit some of the temples (gurdwaras) and Guru Gobind Singh’s fort in the Amrit Vela (Nectural Morning). For some we drive, for others we walk. Each has been built in a place of historical significance. One is where Guru Teg Bahadur meditated for some years; another is where his head was cremated after having been beheaded in New Delhi by the Mogul Emperor (a good story, perhaps another time.) It’s a beautiful morning of meditation.

On the way back, we go to _________ where the Siri Singh Sahib’s ashes will be put in the river. It is a traditional place for ashes among the Sikhs. In the 30 minutes or so that we are there, we see several families putting ashes in the river. There is nothing uplifting about this place. It is depressing. The river is shallow and slow moving. It is not pretty. Mostly ashes have been brought in plastic bags (cheap shopping bags). The bags are also dumped in the river. It’s BAD. The Gurdwara appears to be under going renovation. I hope it is done before the entourage gets there in January with the ashes. Right now it is fairly funky. The pictures look surprisingly better than it looked in real life – both the river and the Gurdwara. Maybe it was because the vibe was so heavy that it looked so bad, but I don’t think so.

Guru Nanak would get harassed by his family when he was young because he would go into the cemetery and meditate. He said we are all going here…

The drive back is miserable. We take a short cut and get lost. It gets dark. It gets foggy. The traffic is awful. People drive on the highway like bees swarming. 20 kilometers outside of Amritsar we drive into the back of a small car which then hits the car in front of it. I thought it was going to be much worse that it was. It was VERY scary for a few eternal seconds. No one is hurt, our car is not damaged (We’re in a Tata Sumo, an Indian SUV, massive). The car in front of us has its rear bashed in. No one is hurt. There are five large men in the small car in front of us. The first one out is carrying a sub machine gun. Another eternal second…

We learn later that we have rear ended the Chief of Police and his body guards. “NO problem”, our driver says. “This is India”, he says; “Everything is fine”. Our driver is very sweet, but I’m not liking him at this moment. After a couple of hours in the police station parking lot (change the picture in your head, this is India. Think more like field on the side of the road behind locked gates), a few thousand rupees (bukar) exchange hands. The driver takes care of everything. Before we leave the Station, the policeman in charge of the police station and the only one who speaks English comes over to my window (We’ve never gotten out of the car, this whole time.). He’s very friendly, very warm. He explains to me how he has negotiated a solution agreeable to all parties. I acknowledge his accomplishment and thank him for his successful efforts. He knows we are with the “American Sikhs from Miri Piri Academy”. I suggest that he visit us some time and come over for lunch. He smiles and shakes my hand and says he would like that. It’s all theatre. We drive off
In an hour we are home. Glad to have gotten away. Glad to be home. Vowing no more trips at night. The fog is supposed to get worse in December and January.

2004-11-29T09:38:00.002-08:00

The greeter at the truck stop. Hivale is the name. I thought it was Hill Valley.

2004-11-29T09:38:00.001-08:00

He's getting married on Guru Nanak's birthday.

2004-11-29T09:38:00.000-08:00

The "truck stop"; actually a very nice restaurant / way station on the highway. Good food for about $1. Lots of Punjabi heritage models outside as well as bumper cars and video games for the kids. This is a model of a truck with a manniquin driver coming through the wall. I guess you call this "sense of humor". The diners are real people.

2004-11-29T09:34:00.000-08:00

The drive to Annandpur Sahib. This is the two lane highway. The small van is passing the big truck, as are we. The small van is filled with people AND they are hanging out the back. It is not unusual to see people sitting on the roof of busses as they go by.

Guru Nanak, Peace Guru

2004-11-29T09:21:00.000-08:00

Guru Nanak is the founder of Sikhism. There are many wonderful stories about him. (You might want to find the book, Guru for the Aquarian Age if you’re interested in reading more.) Last Friday was Guru Nanak’s birthday - . I was thinking about him the other day. He was born in northern India (in a part of the Punjab now in Pakistan) at a time when the Moslems were marauding, conquering India. They were converting people to the Moslem faith “by the sword”. Guru Nanak began traveling around with two musicians, signing the praises of his experience of the Divine. One of the musicians was a Moslem, the other a Hindu. Nanak, though raised a Hindu, sometimes dressed as a Moslem, sometimes a Hindu. He had many beautiful messages as he sang. The heart of his teaching was “There is one God”, called by many different names. Meditate on the Name of God (whichever name you like) every day, with every breath. He was a mystic, teaching how to have direct experience with the Divine.

He traveled all over India and the Middle East. At one time, while meditating on the banks of a river with some devotees, he walked into the river, disappearing in the water and didn’t come out. His followers panicked, thinking he was dead, washed away in the river. After 3 days (Aren’t there stories of other holy people being dead for 3 days and then returning. This fascinates me.), he walked out of the river, sat down and recited a prayer poem – Japji (literally, ‘beloved meditation’). This prayer is now recited every morning (as we walk out of the river of sleep) at the birth of a child (to be the first sounds an infant hears) and other significant beginnings. Yogi Bhajan said that this prayer tunes the mind to the Cosmos in poetic vibration, establishing the mystic vision of Nanak in the consciousness. I think this is true. It certainly is a beautiful sound current in the early predawn hours (Amrit Vela)

Just one more of my favorite Guru Nanak Stories: While in Mecca, he was sitting, talking with a Moslem priest. His feet were pointing toward a Mosque. The priest became angry, telling Nanak to not point his feet toward the house of God. Nanak’s response was to ask the priest to please move his feet to a direction where God does not dwell. In his mystic vision, every aspect of the creation is an expression of the Divine.

2004-11-29T06:30:00.000-08:00

Wow! It goes to the teaching center in Annandpur Sahib. It will get more layers of Gold Leaf there. It is already quite beautiful. I suggested to Mukthiar that he rent space on the inside. People could put dolls of themself to recieve the good energy, in a fashion similar to the way voodoo dolls are used. He wasn't interested in hearing about it. I thought it could be a real fund raiser for the project.

2004-11-29T05:48:00.000-08:00

Mukthiar at work. He's been tireless, creative and fun loving and devoted in this project. It was great to have him a part of our household.

2004-11-29T05:45:00.000-08:00

The model of the Golden Temple that Mukthiar (now back in the US) is finally ready for the gold leaf and the marble.

2004-11-29T05:43:00.000-08:00

On the roof.

Lost Thoughts

2004-11-29T05:41:00.002-08:00

In the course of the day I think about interesting things to tell you about. Things about the culture, the environment, the program, the clients, sharing personal thoughts and feelings; stuff like that. Then the moment passes and the thoughts recede into …. Where do those receding thoughts go?.... Anyway, I’m hopeful that now that I have taken time to sit and write again, interesting stories will come back to me.

2004-11-29T05:41:00.000-08:00

After the Meditation. Good comradarie.

2004-11-29T05:36:00.000-08:00

After the meditation. On the roof (3rd floor) of the Golden Temple.

I kicked the nurses off the unit

2004-11-29T05:30:00.000-08:00

Mostly, the student nurses have been very sweet. They take client vital signs each morning, reporting any areas of concern to us from the night before. Some sit in on our yoga and meditation classes. Mostly the sit at the nurse’s station studying their lessons.

However, we get a new batch rotating through every couple of weeks. This last group was awful. They would come on the unit while we were in session, sometimes 10-15 of them, loud, social, and insensitive.

On this particular day, it had occurred on several occasions. We had spoken to their supervisor, twice. I was taking the yoga class. (We have had our clients teaching the afternoon yoga and meditation classes for two weeks or so. We want them to feel confident in their practice and able to share what they have learned with family and interested friends. In family meetings, family members sound excited about having their husbands, brothers, etc. teach them what they have been learning. This follows Yogi Bhajan’s model, “I’m here to build teachers, not gather students.”)

They walked on the unit while we were meditating. (The door is loud enough. All noise echo’s badly on the unit.) They were talking; they walked straight back to the client’s art/game room and began playing games, loudly. I was furious. I walked back there and asked them if this was their work. Answering my own question, “I think not!” Followed by a raised arm and a finger pointing toward the door, “Get out!” They were shocked. (I was a little surprised.) “Get out!” I said again. Some started walking toward the nurses’ station. I was like a sheep dog, following them redirecting them, pointing toward the door. As we got near the class, some tried to ‘peel of’, and blend into the class. “Ruff, ruff, bark, bark, herding them toward the door. “Get Out”. I felt good, protecting our “guys” from disrespect. If you want to work or if you want to learn, you are welcome; if you are just here to be social and are disrespectful of the needs of those we are here to serve, “Get Out!”

Meditation at Golden Temple

2004-11-29T05:27:00.000-08:00

The directions were to take some aspect of yourself that was challenging for you; whatever it might be, your fear, self criticism, addiction, whatever it might be; and put in into the center of the circle. We were on the roof of the Golden Temple. Me and Guru Terath and Yogesh and the 7 clients. We were sitting in a circle, attracting a crowd. It was a lovely meditation, chanting Guru Guru Wahe Guru, Guru Ram Das Guru.

I had not been having a good day. I was not centered or at peace. I was aggravated. I was being pulled in a number of directions (worries about home, pressures in the program, the manual, the future of the program). I was going along, but very little of me had been present on this outing. I put my aggravation into the center of the circle also my fears about the clients, about Carolyn’s health, about the future of the program. It went into the circle in the image of the exoskeleton of a locust-like bug. It was like shedding a skin. I felt it physically.

It was a weird feeling but a somewhat familiar image. As a child, I would sometimes spend a week with my grandmother (Grandma Nicolle) at her house in Covington, Louisiana. I have many fond memories of this time with her, reading on the swing on her front porch, picking vegetables from her garden, shucking black-eyed peas for
diner AND hunting these huge black and yellow and orange crickets (locusts?) in the tall grass around her house. (I was in elementary school, young, but these things were big. They must have been 4 inches long and could hop forever.) I would have a spring loaded dart gun (the kind that shoots darts with rubber suction cup tips.). I would take off the rubber tips and hunt the monster insects.
Anyway, that was the form that my tension/worries/stuffkeepingmecutofffrombeingpresentandfullyexperiencinglife took. It was an image, symbolic; the crusty, frozen, rigid, dead, defensive, cut off part of myself. As it went into the center of the circle that we were all chanting into on top of the Golden Temple, I felt such a beautiful release. I felt my self expand, no longer contained, freely expanding in the golden light of that special moment in that special place. Such joy, such freedom. It was as if I had become that Golden Light, limitless. Then, the image shifted. The Guru (or God or ???) had a Golden thread, from somewhere high above us; each of us in that circle was connected to that thread; As the Guru pulled on this chord, that exoskeleton (ego, defining-limiting mental structure; I don’t know what to call it,… giant cricket sheath,…) on each of us was pulled away and we were all radiant beings in and of Golden Light.

2004-11-17T04:25:00.000-08:00

Small, sweet, country Gurudwara.

2004-11-17T04:21:00.000-08:00

Mustard field.

2004-11-17T04:18:00.000-08:00

Everyone's helping. These very young girls are carrying mudge shit to the mudge shit pile to be made into pies and placed in the sun to dry. THey will then be used as fuel to cook or heat. Sati, about that air pollution...

2004-11-17T04:13:00.000-08:00

Sprouts are coming up.

2004-11-17T04:07:00.000-08:00

The road gets busy.

2004-11-17T04:04:00.000-08:00

Still there.

2004-11-17T04:01:00.000-08:00

He's doing something; I couldn't tell what. He has a staff in one hand and a metal wire in the other. He's blessing the field or something. He was there for a long time. I was fascinated.

2004-11-17T03:59:00.000-08:00

Hindu Shrine in a field.

2004-11-17T03:56:00.000-08:00

Making bricks, by hand, one at a time. Become one with the mud. Tomorrow all these will be gone to the furnace, but the brick makers will be back.

2004-11-17T03:55:00.000-08:00

Chillin'

2004-11-17T03:53:00.000-08:00

Walking down a country road. Baking bricks in the background. Where's the EPA when you need them? Sati, you want to do environmental protection in India?

2004-11-17T03:50:00.000-08:00

Mukta and Guru Therath during rec time